Self-portrait by Alan Dedman is an unflattering account of the artist’s physical appearance, seen in a mirror. The form of his skull is pulled towards the viewer. The painting maps undualtions in facial musculature with slivers and patches of ‘irrational’ colour. The eyes cast a scathing look of disdain, not just at ‘the enemy within’ but at hostility without.
‘We are all a multiple of facets, a legion of identities, but standing there with a paintbrush making marks while watching your inner world wriggle away from the horror and disappointment of seeing yourself get fat, old and disillusioned. It’s tough eh’. Fionn Rawnsley.
Self portrait by Alan Dedman is one in a series of works made in a conventional way. Self-acceptance is hard. The outward appearance of one’s self, that which we relate to on a daily basis, is what we think we are. This wrongly assumed fixity becomes the ego. Which we adorn with clothes, possessions – outward expressions of materiality, wealth, social significance, cars, hair cuts…..’That’s me‘.
The barber gets an all round view, but not being capable of stepping outside ourselves we are obliged to romance what greets us in the mirror. It’s easy to snap away with a mobile phone but protracted analysis of your own physical appearance through the sticky, slow medium of oil paint and the nuances of vision takes some doing.
Being honest with yourself isn’t easy. Everyone’s ‘a star’ these days; digital morality begets a new blandness as we merrily avoid ourselves, confecting lies and semi-truths to carouse with.
In his poem ‘The Hollow Men’ T.S Elliot suggests the World won’t end with a bang, but a whimper. Beyond the acceptable hullabaloo of social media, celebrities and luvvies, no-one must exist contrary to ‘the status quo’, the ‘new normal’. It’s about control in exchange for the appurtenance of ‘freedom’. Whimpering, homogenised humanity.
Photo of Alan Dedman by Julian Wakeling
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